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Its volatile payload makes the Funditor a dangerous creature to be around<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Two Leggies. There\u2019s always two Leggies by my side. Today, we\u2019re training. I have target practice. We\u2019re out in the fields and there are a few towers they want me to hit. Easy. I ate well today, so I should pack some punch.<\/span>\u201c4-GS-10, haul one!\u201d one of the Leggies yells. I like how they yell. I face the tower, put my hands down and raise my legs up. The weight on my back is always snug, I like feeling the heat pass through me. I take my time, calculate the angle, staring straight ahead to the tower, and let loose. I feel the surge rush over me and a second or three later, I watch the tower go down in flames as some fluids leak onto my armor.
\n<\/span>\u201cHaul TWO!\u201d
\nI adjust my position, my other legs strafing me a bit. Makes me feel like a turret. I look at the tower, let out a small burp, then I push. The other Leggie snickers.
\n<\/span>\u201cNice one, Ten,\u201d they say as the second tower goes down.
\n<\/span>\u201cThanks, Seven.\u201d
\n<\/span>Seven\u2019s always nice to me. But they worry too much.
\n<\/span>\u201cAlright buddy, one more. You\u2019ve got this,\u201d they say.
\n<\/span>\u201cHAUL THREE!\u201d Eight yells.\u00a0<\/span>Last push. Out it goes. I watch the ball fly through the sky and land dead center in the tower, engulfing it in flames.
\n<\/span>\u201cStill got it,\u201d I say. I shake my butt a little, can\u2019t drip on the mess hall.
\n<\/span>\u201cNice man!\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cI\u2019ll report in,\u201d says Eight, \u201cand then we can get some lunch.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n<\/p>\n
I walk back with Eight and Seven. 4-GS-9 missed two of their towers, so their squad has to continue. Nine\u2019s a newborn, so they\u2019ll get there eventually. We sit down in the mess hall, I\u2019ve got myself a humble meal today.
\n<\/span>\u201cGod, you eat like a monster, Ten,\u201d Seven mocks me. Funny little Legionnaire.
\n<\/span>\u201cIf you want them to keep hitting targets the way they do, Seven, then you won\u2019t mock their appetite. Enjoy your meal, Ten,\u201d goes Eight.
\n<\/span>\u201cThanks, you too.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cHey, Ten. I heard from someone that you were in Third Beta Squadron on Garulibar-Eight, during their uprising. Almost every Grenn I know or have met from that has left service, why are you still here?\u201d Seven asks.
\n<\/span>\u201cI dunno. Got nothing better to do, for starters. And I like blowing things up,\u201d I say with a chuckle.
\n<\/span>\u201cAnd you\u2019re damn good at it,\u201d Eight adds.
\n<\/span>\u201cOf course I am.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cOkay but, like\u2026 what was it like? On Garulibar? Most of the Grenn I\u2019ve met who served there are\u2026 well, not okay.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cHeh. I don\u2019t know, Seven. The rest took it a lot harder, I guess. There were moments I didn\u2019t like either, like when 3-BS-9 got blown up. They were my cousin, I wasn\u2019t a fan of that. But death comes to us all, eventually.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cWere they a Fundie like you?\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cYeah, they were. Got shot in the gut and went kaboom. Splattered everywhere, took a nice chunk of forest with them. Nine had a few seconds before going, so they managed to make a clearing near the outpost we were supposed to be taking out. Worked out well. They really helped us with their last few seconds. Very nice of them.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201c…that sounds pretty fucked up, Ten,\u201d Seven is clearly a little shocked, didn\u2019t mean to do that.
\n<\/span>\u201cPart of service, bud. We walk, we burn, we walk some more. Besides, Nine\u2019s Leggies were not on point, you Grenn clearly are. I\u2019ll be fine, I won\u2019t blow up on you.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cYou better not, it would wreck our combat ratings,\u201d Eight jokes.
\n<\/span>\u201cWait, but, what else happened down there?\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cI think just about everything happened down there. From the beginning, just like you Grenn, I woke up in the mud, a small Curate licking me and feeding me. I loved being in the mud, I heard that\u2019s not the case for everyone, apparently. So comfy and wet, nothing to do but chill and exist. It\u2019s the best reason I have for retiring. Not having to do anything anymore. But also no longer blowing things up, and I do really like blowing things up. So, for now, I\u2019m still here. Anyways, my squad headed for this outpost. A nice walk through some forest. I loved scratching myself on the treebark when we weren\u2019t walking. I remember telling 3BS8 this joke\u2026 what was it again\u2026\u201d I ponder, \u201cOh yeah! What did the little tree say to the big tree?\u201d
\n<\/span>Eight buries his face in his hands, I think they\u2019ve heard this one before, but Seven looks excited about my joke.
\n<\/span>\u201cLEAF me alone!\u201d I roar with laughter, Seven chuckles along, suddenly stopping.
\n<\/span>\u201cWait. Why would you tell me about a joke you told back then?\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201c…I\u2019unno. Because it was funny?\u201d I don\u2019t understand what Seven means.
\n<\/span>\u201cDude, your cousin died in that forest. Next to you.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cLeave it alone, Seven. You know how Fundies are.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cYeah, they died. Don\u2019t we all die at some point? I did crouch low right after they died, to protect myself. Wasn\u2019t looking forward to getting blown up myself much either. I blew a hole in a wall full of refugees once. I don\u2019t know how to crack jokes about that one. Was a good hole though. I was following orders, doing my job.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cYou did what you were told to do, which is the safest bet for a Funditor. It\u2019s what I expect you to do on the battlefield,\u201d Eight is being comforting, not unwelcome.
\n<\/span>\u201cWait, Ten\u2026 Three Beta Squadron\u2026 so\u2026 you Grenn were, at least partially, responsible for the escalation of that uprising, right?\u201d Seven seems really shocked now. I get that a lot when folks find out I\u2019m from Three-BS. Not sure why.
\n<\/span>\u201cI was following orders, Seven. You should try that sometimes.\u201d Eight chuckles at my joke.
\n<\/span>\u201cSorry I asked, dude,\u201d Seven pouts.
\n<\/span>\u201cHeh, it\u2019s all good, Seven. Your line of inquiry makes sense. You worry about combat, about death. I don\u2019t. It\u2019s my purpose, it\u2019s what I\u2019m built for.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cAs am I, Ten, but that doesn\u2019t mean I\u2019d be okay with Eight here dying or myself getting blown up.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cYour combat ratings are high enough that I doubt you or Eight would. I think you\u2019ll have a lovely retirement, actually.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cNot sure I\u2019ll retire, actually,\u201d Eight butts in.
\n<\/span>\u201cGood for you, Eight. Fight the good fight.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cI can\u2019t wait to get out myself. I think I want to open a bar.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cGood for you, Seven. Do what you believe in.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cPff, a bar? Are you not grateful to the Coalition?\u201d Eight judges.
\n<\/span>\u201cNo, I mean, I am, but I don\u2019t want to continuously put my life on the line for it.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cTheir choices are theirs, Eight. We all do what we want, eventually. \u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cI guess.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cThanks, Ten.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cI think, when I do retire, I\u2019ll call myself Alex,\u201d I ponder out loud.
\n<\/span>\u201cNice. I haven\u2019t thought about a name yet,\u201d Seven replies.
\n<\/span>\u201cI think you\u2019d make a good\u2026\u201d I think for a bit, \u201cMarge.\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cOh, I do like that!\u201d
\n<\/span>\u201cI think I\u2019ll go with\u2026 Burk. Had my eyes set on that for a while,\u201d Eight goes.
\n<\/span>\u201cAlex, Burk and Marge, sitting in Marge\u2019s Bar, swapping war stories. I can dig it,\u201d says Seven.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nThis is the second installment of our four-part documentation on the Grenn. Today we will cover the Grenn Funditor.<\/span><\/p>\n
After the Grenn were discovered on Syrena-C651-F5b, most attention of the Coalition military brass went to the Legionnaires at first. These were ostensibly the best soldiers, but a few days after their initial discovery, a lone group of surveyors witnessed a skirmish between two different colonies of Grenn. One xeno-ethologist aboard the scout craft noticed a pattern in the movements of the Legionnaires of one colony: They deliberately seemed to lure the members of the other colony into a narrow gorge, hidden from view. When Legionnaires of the other colony swarmed the gorge, they were suddenly hit by volley after volley of bombs, until most of the Legionnaires were either killed or severely maimed. As suddenly as it had begun, the bombing stopped and the opposing Legionnaires quickly dispatched the rest. Extrapolating the parabolic trajectory of the bombs, the surveyors saw a group of large Grenn, protected by Legionnaires.<\/span><\/p>\n
This was the first time Funditors were seen in combat. The largest subtype of Grenn except the Queen, the Funditor is a hulking creature that does not move on its two hind legs like the Legionnaire, but instead walks on four legs, with the two front legs free for use. At first mistaken for a juvenile Queen (which had been categorized just days earlier), the Funditor plays a vital role in combat. Its internal sacs do not produce eggs, but quasi-solid mineral deposits filled with volatile organic compounds. The Funditor can hurl these projectiles more than one kilometer far, and during that time, the remaining water evaporates, making them so unstable that they will explode on impact. Its volatile payload makes the Funditor a dangerous creature to be around, and a direct hit from an opposing Funditor into a group may lead to an explosion that leaves nothing but a smoking crater. On Syrena-C651-F5b, they seldomly come above ground, except when the colony is launching an assault, and even then they only surface under protection of Legionnaires. Their physical volatility has led to the evolutionary development of a calm an easy disposition, in sharp contrast to the feisty and aggressive Legionnaires.<\/span><\/p>\n
When the Coalition militarized the Grenn and their crack biologists artificially enhanced their intelligence, great care was taken to retain the docile characteristics, leading to a laidback personality. Newly hatched Funditors are bred for a specific conflict, much like the Legionnaires, and after their compulsory military service, they are free to join civil society, in which case, the ventral glands are removed, free of charge, to eliminate the danger of exploding in a crowded area. Nevertheless, almost all Funditors choose to undergo this procedure and join civil life as upstanding citizens. Their calm personality makes them easy-going creatures, capable of many careers, easy to make friends and slow to anger. Although Funditors have a reputation of being friendly giants, it is ill-advised to get into a fight with one as they are physically even stronger than Legionnaires due to their enormous weight. Indeed, any street thug brave or desperate enough trying to rob a Funditor, might end up being pounded into the pavement with his own limbs. Because despite their calm exterior, all Funditors are bred for one purpose: War.<\/span><\/p>\n
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